Holiday wishes

 

Just a few words to celebrate this Christmas time.

We're keeping it small this year.

Not too much decorations.

This teacup sized poinsettia is depicting it.

We are commemorating our dear friend Guus
who passed away a month ago.

He was a month older than I am.
Ì've known him for half a century.

He was way too young to die.

There is a sort of Christmas spirit around me,

but it has a film of sorrow and sadness over it.
Being a spiritual person I believe in a life after this one.
So I believe my friend lives on. 

In a way this Christmas feels more like Easter to me.

My thoughts and prayers are with all that miss him.

This is supposed to be a Christmas page,

with Christmas musings about last year.

So I will try to do so in the best way I can.

I'm still feeling fortunate to be alive and living in this world.
Shaping my life each day.

My life is not always easy, but I try to make the best of it.

Time seems to be slipping away - like it's going faster each year.

My thoughts have often been with my parents over the past six months.

My father came to me in a dream.
It was comforting. The worst grief about his death is fading.
I placed his photo so I can see it from where I lie.
He smiles to me as if he is saying:
"You're doing all right".

I feel very fortunate to be with my husband Wynsen.
He has been an incredible support to me this year.
I would not know how to be without him.
He takes me for what I am - and I am so grateful for that.
Of course this works both ways - and we manage!

 

I'm grateful for my spiritual development over the past year and for my tutors
Jane, Joanna and Joylina.
I'm slowly advancing and integrating it into my life.
I'm pleased to say that it complements my own spiritual upbringing.

So there is a lot to be grateful for, this Christmas time.
Grateful for the good memories that I have of and with my loved ones,

old and new,
from the past and the present.

How they enrich and have enriched my life!

I'm looking forward to live with them and

to create new memories again in the coming year.
Be it in my heart or in real life.

To all of you, readers of this blog:
I wish you a Blessed and Merry Christmas

and a Happy New Year!

December 20/21 - 2012

 

 

 

Spring display

I'm a four times a year blogger, or so it seems. I blog with the changing of the seasons.

Many wonderful and special thoughts go through my head that I would love to catch if I could.

Sometimes I think: that's a nice thought - I should write it down. So I follow it, circling through my head, out of it (through the front somewhere, I always imagine) into the air, ready to be caught, still. Then evaporating, into the sky, the universe - to live on, to mature, to blend. Without the boundaries of words. Free.

I had one today. It's not just a thought, it's more of a notion.

As you may or may not know, I am a spiritual person. But my spirituality seems to clash with boundaries of traditions.

I am a nature person, that's where I can feel a very deep spirituality. Deep and green, black as the earth, clear as water, blue as the sky, bright as the sun. I can be seen to lean with my spine against a tree, imagining it supporting me and giving some extra strength.

And God knows I need that.
There you have that other mainstream in my spirituality. God. As a minister's daughter I have been brought up in a Protestant tradition.

I can tell you I have had my deep downs and lots of fights with it - you can still see my heelmarks here and there in some cities of my youth. Near churches that is.

In the real depth of my being the roots of the spirituality have never ceased to grow. And later it emerged, surfaced in ever widening concentric circles.

Encompassing everything and then letting go as it ripples on. I am maturing into a loose tradition. Still a bit like what I learned in Sunday school: God created everything. All That Is. Everything on earth - and gave spirit to every little bit of it. Every little particle. So it can create and grow itself. I can and love to live with that.

Spring for instance. Creating itself in all its glory.

I may write a poem, paint a picture, take a photo, I need to go with that spirit and Create. I compiled a Spring display-table....

Making 'display-tables' is something that I have begun to take up recently.

I did that at school, of course, when I was teaching. I created displays of every little thing to illustrate whatever I was teaching. I loved doing that.

Since I had to stop teaching and painting and all those things that require sitting up or standing for longer periods of time, I have started to create in the secluded surroundings of my own home. In corners, on small tables, bookshelves. All I need is a horizontal surface to start creating 'subject'-displays.

This is a spiritual Spring display.

You may discover little items of other religions/traditions in it. And correctly so. Each particle has its own meaning, its own 'soul' and together they co-create a new, larger one, more meaningful.

See that's what I like to be: As varied as nature itself. Life has no boundaries. My spirituality has none either...

Bless you!

Have a wonderful Season -

whether it's Spring or Fall, if you're down-under...

* * *

Happy New Year

At the end of this year 2010 I'm pondering a bit and want to share my thoughts with you.
It's been an intense year for us, with lots of things happening. Good things and things that had a lot of impact. We've had lots and lots of help from unknown people that suddenly turned into angels and helped and supported us on our path...
On November 13 an event had a sudden impact on me. I saved our dog from being overrun by a cart but a few seconds later the same cart ran over my left foot. I had severed anklets and have spent the last 6 weeks of this year with my leg held high up. Bound in tape and later in a cast. It was a good time to ponder life's events :0) The worst part of it was that I had to use two garbage bags around the plaster cast each day to be able to keep it dry while taking my shower.
The cast has been taken off this week and Oh, to be in the bath tub again! Such bliss!
It's still quite painful but I'm on the mend!
Our dog has kept me company and hardly left my side. My heart fills up with warm love for her when I realise she's still with us! I'm now slowly, step by step, healing. We're approaching the New Year.

2011: May it be you a Good One, a Blessed One, a Healthy One. A real Prosperous and a Happy New Year!

Love to you all and make the best of it!

Hugs,
Karin

Happy Fall!

Early each Fall, as early as late August even, you can find me sitting on my knees,

crawling on my belly or lying flat with my nose almost touching the moist soil. The reason? Toadstools!
Ever since I was a child I have been mesmerised by Fungi.

Each year at school we studied them. When I was teaching, I made loads of mushroom lessons each Fall. And did excursions to look for them. Hunting for books about them to look at their pictures.

I'm not one to know each and every one by name, I only know a few.

It's not their name but their appearance enchants me. Their colours, habitat, their smell - everything!

I loved to draw them, paint them and take pictures of them.

I long to capture their beauty and share it with whomever shares my love for them.

Maybe even by looking at my photo someone also becomes a toadstool lover...

Even though I have lots of photo's already, each new fall I treasure my latest pictures.

Each year I get that creative ghust to work with them, create stationery, postcards, little tags -whatever comes to mind- as if they were my very first captures.

This fall I have decided to share my love for this particular type of toadstool in writing for a change.

Its official name is the 'Amanita muscaria'. It is quite common in our Dutch lowlands and loves to associate with birch trees, beeches, oaks, firs and chestnut trees. You should not eat it, as it is poisonous. Not lethal for people, but for small animals, like a dog for instance, it might be fatal.

Lethal though it may be, to me its beauty is ever lasting and nothing can distract me from it.
Or it should be the discovery of 'new' mushrooms to study...

o* o *o

Feline Spring Theatre

Spring is here and it shows. Not only through the welcoming vase of yellow Dutch tulips. But we finally have beautiful Spring weather. It revives all of us. And especially our furry friends. Our tom cat Joost is enjoying the view from the little window. Both our kitties love this little corner in our living room. We call it 'the Theatre'. And it's free for Mimi and Joost. Either one of them always makes sure to have a seat in the front row to watch the show. Each day. Every minute of the day. Come rain or shine. Whether it is hot or cold. Sometimes we just can't refuse them. Then we are summoned loudly to 'open the Theatre'. This means either one of has to get up and open the window. It has metalized gauze installed inside of it so they can't jump out. Otherwise they would get onto the stage and cause havoc there. Or disappear altogether.

At other times we just have to refuse to open it as it would get way too cold inside our living room.

Mimi and Joost don't mind the cold, but I noticed that Joost starts to sneeze if he sits in front of a damp or windy Theater too long.

Our Theatre has a Time Share system: Mimi loves it early in the morning and late at night. Joost visits it at all hours of the day.

After Joost joined our household just after Christmas It took Mimi a while before she had conjured up enough courage to reclaim her seat in front of the little corner window. But she's back now. With more enthusiasm than before :0)

She follows what's happening outside with great zest. She starts in front of the bedroom window and then continues the show here. Depending on the moves her feathered actors make she moves back and forth. It keeps her agile and lean.

Joost is different. He just sits and enjoys whoever is starring the show and only leaves when he feels like taking a nap or when it's Restaurant time. Which -for him- can be any time of the day.

At night when my husband or I take the dog out we see our cats' lovely faces framed and back-lighted. Beautiful and so endearing. Mimi meows to us. Joost only looks at us with his wise old eyes. There is an age difference of 10 years between them -Joost being the nestor of the two.

We hope they will share the Theater side by side one day -who knows?

= ^~^ = = ^~^ =

*

Tear in a nursing home

I weep
for the tear in the nursing home
for the frail figure in the large bed
her mind confused
lost in space
floating in timelessness.

Her body crippled by a fall
all the way down to the floor
slipping out of her own worn out shoes
-oh how often did we not warn her?

a shattered bone
a broken hip
an ambulance
hospital
then surgery
X-rays
oxygen
meds
a bed.

Later

High up
on the top hospital floor
lost in a view
in a wheelchair
eyes staring into
nothingness
oh could she float away
like this
to her mother
husband
daughter...
oh could she
only...

sweet forgetfulness
sweet mind that does not remember
and medication
helps
not to feel the pain

then suddenly
a glimpse of light
her mind protests:
what is she doing here?
what happened?
why to her?
is this the truth?
Her truth?

Denial
Suffering
and
then
sinking away in
oblivion
sweet forgetfulness
sweet
dreams
of dementia...

and falling softly
again
into our loving care
this small frail tear
in the nursing home
close by

so like my mother
and so un-like her

my heart weeps for her
tear in a nursing home

.
.
.
.

(c)Karin*CatMar 3-3-2010 - present

Santa Express

We're slowly sliding into the Christmas atmosphere with beautiful Christmas weather! A lovely white blanket of snow and nice and sunny weather. With a nice frost during the day: -9 degrees Celcius. It was rather cold though last night: minus 15, even! We were staying at the caravan and even though we had a nice temperature indoors, the shower did not work 'cause one of the waterpipes was frozen. No problem, an old fashioned start of the day at the wash basin was fine too!

I'm looking forward to Christmas later this week. I'm almost ready, just a few bits and pieces to arrange...
I hope you are too and I'm wishing you a great Holiday Season!

Hugs,
Karin




* * *

Advent musings...

Last year I wrote an Advent poem. I would like to share it with you all as my feelings are exactly the same now. My heart wells up with the love and light and peace and brightness of the Season. So have a look at:

http://www.wynkar.net/christmas/cm-christmasthoughts.htm

How time flies

I can't imagine so much time has passed since my last blog. And so much has happened! I've been busy from the very early morning until late at night. You can't imagine how we've had to work around our disabilities. But we did. We can still create our lives and I'm grateful for all the people and all the angels that have helped us finishing our great project. We hope the coming weeks, months and years will prove that we made the right decision. And that we have the strength and wisdom and blessings to create and bless the new life form we have chosen together.

The holidays are coming... I am in the Holiday Mood already. And thus have started creating, and will probably continue to create and create... Right up until Christmas, I'm sure...

Our tree is up, but not decorated yet. The real holiday spirit will start this Sunday - I will find the Advent circle and set it up to light the first candle of this year.

In the mean time I hope to create some Christmas Stationery and upload it for you all to enjoy.

Here's a little sample of a tag I made...

If you would like to view my Christmas stationeries click here

Will see you again, soon, I promise :0)

Hugs,
Karin

Summer's farewell..

Just another day or two and we say good-bye to Summer. I still try to hold on to the greens, flowers, weather and smells of this year's lovely Summer. To illustrate this I am going to show you some photos that express this feeling best - too bad I can't let you smell or feel it, though...

I just love the shapes and colours of maize plants - seeing them grow is mesmerizing...

Our August break

We have been spending a few days in a holiday home park in Belgium. We booked a wooden triangular cottage to spend it in. But when we got there they had a lovely suprise for us: we got an upgrade to a modern, luxurious canexel type of holiday home.

We had a fantastic little place, worthy enough to spend a whole year in -even though it might cost a fortune to heat it in Winter *s*...

It had a bath tub, a dish washer, a roomy master bed room on the ground floor. A flat screen tv, a good couch for me to lie flat on, a spacious kitchen - in one word: wonderful!

My brother Gustav, whose holiday it actually was, had his own floor with two bed rooms, a sink with hot and cold water and a toilet. He loved the porch to sit on and have his breakfast. He loved it. And so did we!

During our stay at the cottage we had lovely, balmy hot weather. It was just 150 miles away from where we live, but it felt like a different place alltogether. The air smelled different, the sounds and noises (lots of them!) were different -it was a real break for us. We booked the holiday in order to provide my brother with a birthday-vacation -but in hindsight it was refreshing for us, too.

The weather

We've had a Summer that provided all kinds of weather. It was nice in June, we had a cool and rainy month of July and lovely mixed weather in August.

Enough rain to keep it green - enough sunshine to lighten up our days - nice temperatures to warm our skin and bones. Warm, hot even in August, but with a mix of cooler days to calm the senses.

Pixie

Our Maltese doggy Pixie has had a bit of trouble with the fact that it was a relatively warm season. She really needed her cooling blanket almost every day in August. Especially the nights were warm for her. Also her neck-hernia bothered her after she glissed on the slippery floor of the holiday cottage. She walked with more difficulty and sometimes lost strength in her hind legs. We took her to the vet and she had to have a cortisone shot. Poor girl. She suffers from the heat more since her shot. But she seems to be a lot better, she walks better and we detect no more loss of strength! Chapeau for our vet -and for Pup, of course!

Burglars

Just before we left for our little trip there were burglars in our apartment building. They did not visit our flat, but we saw traces of them on the balcony railing. They burglared some of our neighbours flats, leaving almost no traces. The police were puzzled about this. Money and credit cards were stolen and all of us feel like our sense of privacy and security has been violated.
No one dared to open their windows or balcony doors the first couple of weeks. We also dared not open ours to let the cool night air in. We tried to compensate this with a ventilator, but that was not enough.

I am an early riser, so as soon as it was light I opened the bedroom balcony door to let the fresh, cool morning air stream in through the insect doors.

We now installed a special security lock-handle that allows the door to open at night a little bit from the inside. It cannot be opened from the outside. That will help us get through the coming cooler seasons :0)

My plant stand

I always like to do a little gardening in my plant stand next to our front door.

In the early part of the season I had the my flowers in all shades of pink, purple and white - my favourites. But now that the season's nearing its end they have stopped blooming and withered. So I planted some of the nasturtiums that I grew early in the Spring from last year's seeds. They that are now nice and strong and are both producing flowers and seed pods... I added some nicely coloured peppers and some chrysanthemums - and here's the result.

(Click to enlarge if you wish)

So I'm all set for the next season! Good bye lovely Summer of 2009!

*

*

*

Small August Move

 

Hot August nights, sizzling days.

Out in the sun with large rimmed hat, dressed lightly.
Sunglasses in the darkest shade.
Almost too hot to move...
But in the car, the airco softly and soothingly blowing,
it was wonderful.
And so was the landscape.
We slowly moved through the Belgian countryside
on our three day holiday.
Our first in three years.
Rows and rows of perfectly aligned fruit trees.
Their wonderful shapes moving away

towards their vanishing point at the horizon.
With perfectly formed pears almost ready to pluck.
Top branches reaching longingly upward towards the clear blue sky.
Noon in the first week of August.
Nothing is better....

* * *

* *

*

(c) Karin*CatMar, 8-9-2009 - present
all rights reserved

Circles of Sound

This morning I've been listening to and meditating on Fabeku Fatumishe's CD "Remembering through Resonance". It's a Singing Bowl experience. A link to his wonderful site Sankofa song is here.

Surfing the rippling waves of the circles of sound that surrounded me while I was listening to the CD was a mesmerizing experience. It was a feeling of timelessness and deep relaxation and tingling feeling all through my body, from the top of my head to the soles of my feet. It brought me back to my Self almost instantly. And later it inspired me to take a photograph of my own singing bowls. The process of taking a true picture of them in the early morning sunshine made me wonder something. I wondered: are the rays of sunlight, the vibrations of sound, the sensation that runs through my body listening to it, the ripples on water: aren't they all part of One and the Same? I drifted into the ever widening sensation I get when I follow the singing tone of the bowl deeper and deeper into my inner self, broadening my inner vision, enlarging my inner space and I started to feel part again of All That Is...
The gong tone sounded - was letting myself slowly sink back into the realms of earth's gravitation ....

~~~~~~~

~~~~~

~~~

~

Liesje

When I was very young - I think up to being about 5 years old I did not own any 'real' dolls. Just knitted and stuffed woollen or cotton dolls, sometimes with faces made of pressed paper pulp.

Of course there were porcelain and dolls of other materials but I only saw them at toy shops or at the homes friends that came from a wealthy family.
Later a Dutch factory that had gone out of business during WWII started producing polyethylene dolls. The brand was called: Wildebras (Tom Boy).

Dolls like these were popular when I was a child in the 1950's. I think it must have been about 1957 or so just after my little brother was born that my parents gave me my very own Wildebras doll - I named her Liesje (from Elisabeth), because I thought that was a sweet sounding name.

Liesje became my companion at night, in bed. OK, in my previous post I wrote that my dolls were in bed with me next to my pillow, but Liesje wasn't. She was cuddled up with me under the sheets and blankets. She was a great comfort to me by just being there.
I didn't play with my dolls like other girls did. I was too busy being outside in the open air, playing with my friends in the rural area that I grew up in.
I remember the cold small bedroom I slept in, alone and dark at night, Liesje being there with me. She was not warm - I still can remember how she smelled; that typical plastic smell she had and that only left her for a while after I bathed her and washed her face with soap.
Her face was always more or less cool and she always remained aloof, cool, a bit like my mother. She comforted me nonetheless if I was lonely or punished. I could hold her close and hug her. Put my cheek against hers.
We did not grow up in a warm, safe or secure family home. Liesje was there to comfort me at night if I needed her.
She stayed with me for a long, long time. I kept her until I was about 20 years old like I had seen a friend of my mother do when I was young. She had a doll that was over 20 years old and I was awed by that. I vowed that I would also keep my Liesje that long. And that's what I did.

Finally I gave her away as a present to a neighbour's granddaughter who was staying with her grandma overnight. It was almost like an impulse, it all went suddenly and swiftly. Somehow I thought g she might enjoy her more and actually play with her again.
I think I regretted it afterwards. In fact I'm sure I did because I adopted the small doll on the picture that is sitting down in the green flowered dress with the necklace about 10 years ago at a fair. Having a doll like Liesje again felt like coming home. She was smaller than my original Liesje, but I still liked her very much.

Now, at the same car trunk junk sale that I told you about in my previous post, I adopted two other naked, battered and dirty dolls that I cleaned up and clothed again. One had a severed arm that I fixed. I adopted the large doll now wearing the brown dress together with the doll now wearing the blue trousers and blue and white jacket.

She's standing next to the large doll sitting down and she is exactly the same size that Liesje was. Only this one has brown eyes, whereas my original doll had blue eyes. I like her this way. And I feel some of the old familiar love well up again towards my new Liesje doll.
True, she is not as gorgeous as the gadco doll I wrote about yesterday. But she is as close to my own beloved Liesje as I can get. And that's enough for me! She even smells the same way!

And the other dolls? Well, I'm sensing their personalities and getting to know them and they are welcome in my little -or rather extended- doll family!

* * *

* *

*

Dolls

I made this picture of one of my dolls today - and framed it following a tutorial (link)

I feel so blessed to have been able to adopt her second hand on a trunk sale two weeks ago. I think she's so pretty. I wasn't much into dolls as a child, I had one or two vinyl ones that I cared for but mostly left sitting on the bed. OK, they slept with me next to my pillow each night. But that was it. I was more like a tomboy when I was a child. Not until I inherited my late mil's old and ragged dolls to clean up and repair I started caring for them. About 45 years later :0)
So now I have adopted a ragged version of my first vinyl doll that I will show you later. But this one is really gracing my living room and radiating joy :0)
So here she is: Marlene, Rotraut Schrotts design in 1990 for the GADCO (Great American Doll Company) with her little doggy. And you may notice a similarity in her dog and ours. Maybe that's why she waited for us to adopt her that lovely sunlit summery Saturday afternoon next to the leafy canal... A lovely synchronity. And I love those little messages from above to guide me along and I feel blessed when I recognise them as such.
I wish you many little messages too today!

* * *

* *

*

Our furry friend Pixie

Today I would like to introduce our little furry friend Pixie to you.

Pixie is a Maltese -maybe not a thoroughbred, but maybe all the more adorable because of that! She is almost eight years old and has been with us since she was a puppy. She's going where we go as often as possible. She has her own doggy safety belt in the back seat of the car and is comfortably situated in her own doggy basket. I have to put the back side of my front seat in a backward position as I cannot sit upright. Pixie and I both love that as we can cuddle up rather close together ;0)

Pixie likes the rides in the car and we tend to think that she knows our destination upfront. She seems to like visiting our caravan on a nearby camping rather than visits to our family. However, she is happily trotting along if we stop the car and lift her out and carefully put her on the ground. She is friendly to everyone we meet - friendly but careful. She remembers people, especially the ones that also are adopted by furry friends, even more so if they carry dog snacks :0) Her groomers at the Pet Wellness Centre love her.

She's lightens up the lives of the elderly people that we meet when we visit in the nursing home where Wynsen's mother in law lives -the mother of his late wife that we visit regularly. She knows and is friendly with the cats of my brother whom we visit every other week. And she exactly knows where the cat feeding bowls are and is *always* there before we are. She manages to finish whatever is in them -much to our dismay at a later stage of the day when she has to go for her walk and has an upset stomach because of it ...

These are a few little bits and pieces of our life with Pixie. We feel very privileged to have her in our lives and hope to be allowed to share it together with her for many many more years to come.

For more cuddly pictures and the story of her little life: feel free to visit Pixie's webpage .

Welcome!

Good day and welcome to my Blog.


I intend to post my creative work rather than too many words, here. I feel I express myself better in images than with words.


I get inspired by all things bright and beautiful. Little everyday ordinary things, like flowers, my pets, anything. It can be a raindrop on a leaf, stucco on an old building - you name it.

I need to create or I burst *lol* I am physically handicapped in a minor but kind of unpractical way, I cannot sit down or stand long enough to paint, like I used to in the past. So I do my creative work on line - digital graphics, so to speak.

So here's a digital graphic I made for the CED Group on the July 2009-theme "Self" -which complements my introduction.


A few words on my collage:
the b/w picture is the hospital where they nursed my brother and me back to life in 1966 after our car accident. More about this here.

The picture on the top right has my brother in the background (with the cowboy hat) and myself in 2006.

The little girl in the middle is me holding folded paper little airplanes somewhere in Rotterdam in the late 1950s. I have to say that my elder brother folded them for me :0)

On the left you see my dear -and I mean 'dear!' hubby and below are our fur kids. And some of the things that inspire me.

Well, that's it for my now. Hope you enjoyed my little intro.

Have a good day/night!

Hugs,
Karin*CatMar